My unexpected recent crying sessions

One cause people anger me; one cause people delight me.

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Wallflower to Wildflower is a once a month’ish publication via Saya Hillman of Mac & Cheese Productions℠. Mac & Cheese is a lifestyle business that models and encourages positive adulting and increases life fulfillment and ease through building connection: to others, to opportunities, and to self.

Why Wallflower to Wildflower?

“I am deliberate and afraid of nothing.” — Audre Lorde

👋🏾 friend.

I happy-cry on the regular.

Mostly TikTok-based —

• A variety of ages and races using a public skate-park

• Abandoned puppies and their mama getting rescued from the side of the road

• A mom surprising her kids with a home, after living in a car or a shelter

• Immigrants getting their green-card

• Soldiers surprise-returning home (which is funny, cause I’m not a military fan)

• Adult children telling their parents they’re pregnant, especially if it’s a first grandchild (which is funny, cause I’m not a kids fan)

• Adult children gifting hard-working, sacrifice-everything parents the toy or experience they always wanted but never got from their youth

I rarely sad-cry.

But the other day, I stood in our 8AM kitchen rehashing a social shindig with Best Friend and sneaky droplets began to well and eventually spill.

I’m not ashamed to cry, nor have any other negative emotion associated with a tear or five. Crying is often a wonderful, cathartic, much needed flushing of the soul.

It was the sneakiness that got me.

Sneaky because I didn’t think our topic nor conversation was cry-worthy. Pet peeves. Annoyances. Frustration. Anger. But all relatively tame. Certainly not worth moisture expenditure.

I’m a planner. Tears were not on the agenda.

As I aired my grievances, I felt the behind the eyelid bubbling. I grabbed a tissue and blew my nose, to distract Best Friend, myself, my ducts. Failure — my eyes glistened and my throat strangled my words.

I think the tears came because (wave of hand) had built up, because it was one ARGH after another in a relatively short span, and because the expectations for positivity had been high. Expectations not met.

The tears came because the situations I found myself in made me feel bad about myself. Made me feel alone. Made me not enjoy being around others. Made me not want to be around others. Made me want to be elsewhere. Made me regret. By design, these are not feelings I usually feel.

I hated it.

So, an 8AM kitchen cry happened.

Twenty-four minutes later, I got an email that made me re-cry. Yet this time, the tears were happy-tears. Not TikTok based.

My response to the email:

“First, an appreciation for you —

That I didn't have to add a task on my To Do List to "follow up with Jess"... I had complete confidence you'd show up in my inbox when you were supposed to. 8:24AM on "deadline day"?! I mean, not only are you on the right day, you didn't wait till 4:57pm, filling a space in my brain with wondering if you were going to ping me; you allow my brain to be filled with goodness.

That you took it upon yourself to make both of our lives easier by creating a collaborative document and by creating content in said document in a helpful to both of us way.

That you had the foresight to think about future'ness in this exchange and send over already written'ness for my perusal.

That you communicate in such a way that shows self-sufficiency, decision-making, and proactiveness, while also showing respect for others' time and opinions.

I just verbalized to Best Friend "Gosh, it's so refreshing to have Jess Wiliams' and Meg McKeens in my life; more Jess' and Megs!"

Thank you for putting quality content out in the world and for attracting quality people to your network.

Thank you for reading.

Thank you for following instructions.

Thank you for remembering detail.

Thank you for making me feel my prep and thought and time is worth it and appreciated.

Thank you for doing whatever you need to do on your end to not necessitate "circling back" pings.

Thank you for communicating when you need to set a boundary or make a change (as opposed to disappearing, ignoring, not following through), e.g. you immediately telling me you got my email about the Giveaway but that you'd like to focus on you'ness for a bit and would love to advance on this after that focus was over. And then doing that without a Saya Reminder.

Thank you for saying yes to every. single. reachout. Even if they make you want to tiny vomit.

Thank you for making me feel valued.

Thank you for feeling we have a balanced give and take, mutually beneficial relationship.

This is why, of all the people I know and connections I have, you are top of list for folks I want to work with, play with, refer, and support in any way I can. Why you're someone I would go above and beyond for, over and over and over. As someone who is fiercely protective of resources and going above and beyond'ness.

There's no guesswork with you — I know you'll be a delight, in all the ways. You make life easy and joyful.

I appreciate you.”

For the second time in the day, I was surprised by sneakiness. This time, by how when I went to reply to Jess, I felt an immediate pull towards gratitude-spillage and how it kept spilling. I didn’t know where I was going as I typed. All I knew was that it kept coming, and then whoopsie!, I had penned a tiny love novelette.

What I wrote took three minutes. I didn’t have to dig deep to find niceties or examples. My words to Jess were easy, genuine, validating, and energy-giving. My thoughts about Jess refreshed me, just as our relationship does.

She sent me what I’m sure she thought was a very standard, black and white, logistical email. Poor girl. 😂 Surprise! I can just imagine her reaction to my response — “What the …. is Saya having some type of mental break?!”

Yes Jess, yes I am. But a good break. A needed break.

And cause she’s Jess, I actually didn’t have to imagine her reaction. She told me. Let’s just say someone else may have also cried this day. Whoopsie.

But also, Life of Yes℠. Goodness boomerangs back. Goodness infects. Goodness impacts.

Shared with her blessing — “I really appreciate how you named things I don’t always see in myself (care, dependability, organization) as part of my special sauce. Your words were a beautiful reminder of that.”

More Life of Yes℠. My reminder to her became a reminder to me to continue to reflect people’s goodness back at them. Often times we stare in the mirror only to see what’s wrong, what’s flawed, what needs to be changed. Others help us see our magic.

The powerful Life of Yes℠ cycle.

This isn’t an ad for Jess (or Meg). But if you value what I value, highly suggest buying what they’re selling. Collaborating. Befriending. Supporting.

This is an ad for filling your life with goodness and for ARGH life-deletions. Even if the latter is complicated — friends; family; clients; an “on paper perfect” job; other “against societal norms” paths…

I cannot adequately convey the lightness Jess’ email gave me. Juxtaposed with the heaviness of the previous social interactions, phew chile…

Let’s just say I will be unapologetically and sans hesitation continuing my design and creation of a life that fits me and makes me happy.

Which includes surrounding myself with Jessicas.

As always, Goodness List is below and if you need more of me in your life between e-musings, Instagram is where to find me, especially Stories. (I’m currently on my Goodbye, Chicago tour, documenting our final days. 😭 😍)

How can you get a Jess-filled life? — Saya (Sigh-Uh)

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Links may be referral links — when you sign up, you may get goodness, I may get goodness, both may get goodness. As an Amazon Associate, I earn earnings from purchases made via Amazon links.

Ads are marked as such and if approved, can be bought here.

The most oft-requested asks — Can you recommend a realtor? A CPA? What tech tool do you use for XYZ? What cleaning supplies do you love? Can we get coffee? — can be found on the Lists page and the FAQ page and my Instagram Highlights.

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Goodness List

🧀 TSA PreCheck® Touchless ID | Transportation Security Administration — When we went to Alaska recently, the Pre Check line was soooooo long. There were zero people in the Touchless Line. It's free. You just have to have Pre Check and to opt in. Annoyingly, you have to opt in to every airline you want to use it on via their apps and it’s only in select airports. But why not?! Free! Worth it! The ones we’ve been to have been right next to the Pre Check lines. I have an Instagram highlight on how to opt-in (go to RECS: TRAVEL).

🧀 A Guide to Setting Better Boundaries

🧀 Digital Declutter for Businesses: A toolkit that can help you measure and reduce the digital carbon emissions of your business.

🧀 Epilogue — This resonated as I recently threw out Mom’s ashes. Well, some of them. After sprinkling some at her tree and keeping some for when we buy a new home with the thought that I’d like to sprinkle some in the yard, I still had a lot left. After agonizing over what to do with the cardboard box that had been sitting on our bookshelf for two years, I tossed ‘em. Her. In the moment, ick. Since, no regret. If you’ve cremated loved ones, I’d love to hear what you did with the ashes.

🧀 Illinois Gov. JB Pritzker denounced his fellow Democrats for lack of meaningful action — It’s been awhile since I’ve been proud of my local politicians. I voted for Blagojevich. (hanging head) I am loving JB in this political season.

🧀 How much does a "chill" wedding actually cost? — This very much resonated as we too were going to have a chill wedding and were aghast at the expense and time and and and. Love her transparency and her doing it their way. If you missed our wedding…

🧀 World's Largest Karaoke — Y’all, it’s free! And at one of the best Chicago venues! And it’s like Fear Experiment℠! And it’s your chance to live out a dream! And cheer on others living out theirs! I’m devastated I can’t go! Go in my stead! And let me know how it is! Lindsay! Jess! LOYers! You up on that stage please!

🧀 AF WKLY Personal Ads — “AF WKLY Personals are invitations to make a direct human connection. Use them to find a hot date or lifelong love, sure! But they’re also great if you’re on the hunt for a new friend or a fellow hobbyist. They are free.” If at least seven of you don’t do this, I will be upset. This is one of the few newsletters I allow in my inbox and Ann’s a gem. If you submit, lemme know!

🧀 I’ve Never Lived Anywhere for Longer than Five Years. Here’s What I Learned About Friendships.

🧀 Michelle Obama interviews Tracee Ellis Ross — Courage to live a full life… yassssss.

🧀 Use keyboard shortcuts in Todoist — You know I’m a Todoist stan. These make it even more dreamy.

🧀 Earlybirds Club — “A celebration of female friendship, dancing as therapy, and finding happiness anywhere you can.” From 6-10pm! Be still my old-age, early to bed heart. A friend went recently and had a blast. And it was at the Park West! 😍 Okkkkk, Fear Experiment℠ home and site of some of the most magical moments of my life. The website footage is the Park West. Not just in Chicago though! If you go, lemme know how it goes!

🧀 We ran the numbers on our employee cleaning benefit. The ROI is stupid. — Tangent: did ya know Mac & Cheese has a cleaning service? Get your employer to bring us in! Win win win.

🧀 Gardener Match — “Find a gardener to help the nature in your yard thrive. Get paid to garden for your neighbors.” If anyone does this, lemme know how it goes!

Jobs

✨ Chicago unless noted otherwise. If you’d like to post a job, head here. With the WFH/remote state of the world, just cause a position is in a city you’re not doesn't automatically mean you're not a good fit. Just cause they say it’s not remote and you’ll only remote doesn’t mean you shouldn’t reach out; who knows?! If a deadline has passed and you’re still keen on the job, why not submit anyway if you can?

👩🏽‍💻 Various positions, City of Chicago, Department of Cultural Affairs and Special Events

👩🏽‍💻 [Remote/NYC] — Various positions, JLP+D — “JLP+D seeks entrepreneurial and creative professionals to help grow our real estate, economics, urban planning, and public policy consulting practice. We are committed to diversity and encourage women and minority candidates to apply.”

👩🏽‍💻 [Remote] Executive Director, Libraries Without Borders US — “BSF builds learning spaces to strengthen the capacity of people in vulnerable situations.”

👩🏽‍💻 [Remote/PT] Field Storyteller, Ambrook — “Ambrook’s mission is to help family-run American businesses become more profitable and resilient.”

👩🏽‍💻 [Remote?] Editorial Designer, RIBA Journal — “RIBA is a global professional membership body that serves its members and society in order to deliver better buildings and places, stronger communities and a sustainable environment.”

👩🏽‍💻 [Remote and various locations] Various positions, Cotopaxi — “Adventure inspires us to see the world and make it better. That’s why we create responsibly made outdoor gear that brings performance, color, and joy to all, and helps us build a movement to support communities around the world.” I have one of their bags which has become my go-to day bag when traveling (and when at home).

Connection to Saya Jobs

If I know you well and would recommend you, feel free to shoot me a note that you’re applying and what you’re applying for, and I can put in a good word.

👩🏽‍💻 Culinary instructor/culinary assistant, Bettie’s Chicago — Inquire at/send info to bettieschicago@gmail.com

👩🏽‍💻 [Remote and various locations] Various positions, Gusto — My payroll company! Whom I looooove! They’re so supportive of small businesses, even the little fish, and every employee I’ve interacted with over the years has been the nicest. Not to mention, they have the best referral program I’ve ever been a part of.

👩🏽‍💻 [Urbana, IL] Immersive Bar General Manager, Parcadia — “A 16,000 sq ft fantasy-themed minigolf bar slated to open in Fall 2025.”

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🧀 Mac & Cheese Quickies

If you’re someone we know-know and you want our new address, let us know. (No shade to stranger-friends, it’s just, ya know, our home.)

In my recent instructions to someone RE signing up for some Mac & Cheese goodness, I included —

“Adulting Tip: as soon as you enroll, put the “course completion” deadline in your calendar and reminder “LOY school” tasks on your To Do List leading up to that date, at a frequency that feels good to ya — Daily? Every three days? Once a week? I also like to include a link to the thing I’m working on in my tasks and/or bookmark it in my browser toolbar to make access easy and visible.”

This is something I used to assume everyone would think of and do. In my many interactions with folks over the years, I’ve learned, not so much.

The person thanked me for the tip and shared they’re a recently diagnosed ADHDer.

Appreciated the reminder to share the thing, even if you think “This isn’t new. Everyone knows this. It’s been said before.” You’ll reach someone. And that’s the person who matters.

That’s how I feel with most everything I share, every time I share. No matter the years of glowing testimonials and effusive thank yous. The years of squeeeeee results. Whether it’s cleaning knowledge in my ebook or via consulting. How to set up Todoist or add random income streams via consulting. How to prepare for death or set up a daily routine you actually stick to via the Adulting Kit. How to (wave of hand)…

I’ve learned that just because something is obvious, easy, and commonsense to me, that doesn’t mean it is to others — and therein lies my gift.

Keep that in mind if you’re someone trying to figure out your gifts and where you fit in the world.

Based on the repeated and repeated asks I get, I’ve added a few things to my popular lists page —

• What colleges we’ve visited and why

• A travel tab on the Life of Yes℠ Resources table (y’all keep wanting to know how we travel as we do — hacking; activities; packing…)

• Lots of updates to the Classes/Activities/Events tab and the Productivity Tools tab on the Life of Yes℠ Resources table

• Lots of updates to the material item recommendations lists

ICYMI: recent popular shares

• Uh duh, our moving announcement! 😄 Y’all wanted the tea. I provided the tea.

• In case it’s not clear where I stand…

• The look on their faces and her words, yo… 😭

• My 25th college reunion recap

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Have you done something nice for yourself today? If not, it’s time… 🤸🏾‍♀️ 🤸🏾‍♀️ 🤸🏾‍♀️